Finding Strength

This may only be a candle to many of you. It’s lovely. It smells great. But to others who have walked the path before me...it’s something else.

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2020 has been a damned hard year for us all. Whether you’ve been on the front lines and have battle fatigue, you’ve had a baby during a pandemic, you’ve seen friends get sick and possibly die...

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This candle, this solitary white candle with wax spots on the glass...that’s me. The flame still burns. It’s strong. It’s not perfect. But...it’s me. And that’s okay.

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This candle is success to me. I can make so many things from scratch. Soap. Bath bombs. Creams. Body butter. Bubble bath (that one still surprises me. I mean, who makes their own bubble bath?). I can whip up apple butter, butter, yogurt, cheese, bread...all from scratch. Not all good, but I can do it.

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Candles mean something else to me. It’s a sophisticated yet simple technique to get the balance of throws and sizes of wicks. Mine crackle. They’re wood. I figured we needed some entertainment during our candle-a-thons.

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I’m alone. Yet I’m not alone. Like the candle. You don’t see it, but that’s actually two wicks. A large one, and a booster. I’m strong. But I can still be blown out. Like a candle though, sometimes a spark lingers. And that spark can bring fire. If not, a lighter is just a drawer away.

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2020 has been awful on so many other levels than the pandemic. My father passed away. Working from home has been a nightmare. With kids, without kids. Our family situation reached a crisis point, which led to me having to make some very difficult decisions. Then, my company made some changes, and after 12 progressive years...I find myself out of a job. In a pandemic. While working out a separation.

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I lean on this candle’s strength right now. I made it. It’s tangible. It works. I did this. I can do it again. I can literally rebuild my life from scratch.

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I may just need to be relit a few times first.

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It’s a good thing the lighter is just a drawer away.


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